Auchentoshan 12 year old
Official Bottling | 40% ABV
A Terrific Gift. For You.
So your friends and family know you like whisky. And they think it’s a great idea to gift you something you actually like. I mean - on paper - it sounds great, right?
Except they likely know diddly squat about whisk(e)y.
Let’s not be ungrateful, but for many of us the truth is - be it a birthday or other gifting occasion like Christmas - we run the gamut of bottle roulette.
What’s it going to be this year? Something exciting, perhaps something that we’ve yet to try or haven’t tried in many many years? Will it be a run of the mill affair best suited to a cocktail and not a connoisseur? Or will it be absolute pish as if it was matured in an old wooden bathtub? It truly is Russian roulette, now that I’ve typed it out.
Luckily for me, my wife has elected to not buy me many whiskies over the years. She knows that she doesn’t know anything about it and knows that I’ll buy what I want anyways, so why get in the way and waste money. She’s smart like that. Unfortunately, other family members are not so wise and without a lack of original ideas, they take the easy way out and default to whisky. Perhaps you can relate?
Years past has featured various entry level offerings from various Glen X’s, like a couple of Glen Morays, but occasionally something more delicious such as the Burwood Bee Whisperer from my wife, and finally and most recently, this one.
It’s obvious that various gifters are picking from the bottom shelves at the store and are price conscious, something that we cannot hold against anyone, especially these days. But it’s an interesting observation that all of these have been single malts.
Not a single blended whisky has been received, even though these are at a similar or even lower price point. I guess this could be attributed towards the significant decades-long marketing language by whisky companies touting their single malts as superior to blended products, despite their volume remaining in the blended market.
In the case of this single malt, I’d happily receive a cheaper Maclean’s Nose or even a Johnnie Walker Black.
And if you can, sound off in the comments with any not-so-great bottles you’ve been gifted. It’s a safe space and it’ll be an interesting crowdsourcing exercise.
Review
Auchentoshan 12 year old, Official bottling, 40% ABV
£40-50 and wide availability
Nose
Soft and sickly sweet. If your olfactories are not fully “trained”, despite myself still not at all qualified to use that moniker, it appears nice and profuse even. But under this sweet exterior shelf lies well-bruised red apple and wafts of burnt caramel.
Palate
Soft and - oddly - weirdly sweet again. The nearly burnt caramel note is very present. It’s actually pretty much the only note. Some underlying peppery-like tingles on my tongue after I scour it from the burnt caramel note.
The finish is short and indistinctive.
The Dregs
Could I even tell this touched an ex-bourbon barrel? Any vanillas or creaminess? What about sherry? Given that Oloroso is the most common seasoning sherry, I’d expect to find some nuts, dried fruits, and other typical notes. Nope, none here of either characteristics. I don’t even know what I’m drinking to be honest. Could be vodka with caramel added and soaked with wood chips/stave sticks added for all I know. I’m not sure I would have pegged this as a Scottish single malt in a blind tasting.
Plus, I can’t even handle the absolute nonsense of a description on the back of the box. It’s not even consistent. We’re talking about the basics. Notes of dry leaves and ginger somehow don't translate to cereal, almonds, caramelised toffee, dried orange, or grapefruit, not in my books. This innocuous misstep drives me absolutely insane as it is the simplest thing Auchentoshan could do. Making (average) whisky isn’t hard but you know what’s even easier? Tasting the liquid and proofreading your labels for consistency.
Another item that I’ll level with you on. I’m quite confident, and I hope consistent, with my understanding of what constitutes a score 5, 6, 7 or upwards but every time I find myself with what I’m deeming as a low-scoring whisky, I refer back to our scoring criteria.
Except I struggle with the descriptions for the 2-thru-4 scores so I’m sharing my own short form below. Perhaps it will help you understand where I’m coming from… just for fun.
Score 4/10 - Some Promise: These whiskies have some redeeming qualities but annoyingly haven’t come together as we’d hoped, just slipping down the pecking order. Work required.
Broddy’s version: Something I might consider serving someone I don’t like, just to spite them and drain the bottle further so I don’t have to drink it. I’ll happily give them some ice if they want it, just so I can pour more whisky into their glass.
Score 3/10 - Disappointing: Some hints of promises but ultimately pretty poor and hindered by deficiencies. These are the kind of releases we’re here to help you avoid. Not as rare as we’d like.
Broddy’s version: Something I might consider serving my enemies. A slow poison. A delectably sweet nugget of prolonged frustration for them. Muahahaha (evil laugh).
Score 2/10 - Avoid: Just barely scraping off the bottom of the barrel. A flat-line in liquid form. Dull, difficult to find any positives and really not worthy of anyone’s attention.
Broddy’s version: Something I would absolutely and unequivocally serve my enemies, or better yet, regift the entire thing to them. A palate destroying WMD of soul sucking abyss and wasted money.
So there you have it. Now you know my frame of reference for the score. I don’t think there are any redeeming qualities or hints of promise in this release at all. For $5 CAD more, I’ll happily take an Arran 10 yo. That’s how terribly positioned this soul-sucking E150a water is in our market.
How does it rank against the other gifted bottles from times past? Worst of the bunch by a country mile.
Except it isn’t entirely wasted money; if we’re going to review whiskies like this - to hopefully prevent you from wasting your time and money - I’m grateful it’s not my money that’s lost.
What a nice gift!
Score: 2/10
Tried this? Share your thoughts in the comments below. BB
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